Why can’t I get a girlfriend? These are actually some commonly-spoken works among men of all ages, and while it does seem like some guys are always in relationships, it also seems like some guys just can’t catch a break.
But why? Why are some guys able to score attractive girlfriends and live that romantic, lovey-dovey life, while others struggle to even meet girls who will give them the time of day?
Well, there could be many possible answers to this question… and of course, every situation is a little bit different. But most of the time, there are actually quite a few things that you can do to help improve your odds.
So let’s talk about that.
Why Can’t I Get a Girlfriend? Let’s Start With The Basics
Ok, we are going to dive right into this and talk about the biggest and most prominent reasons for why so many guys have so much trouble finding girlfriends. But before we do, keep in mind that every situation is a little bit different… and that pretty much any guy has the potential to find a girlfriend, no matter what he does or how he lives his life.
But in this article, we are going to talk about some tried, true, and obvious ways that any guy can not only increase his odds for finding a girlfriend, but for also increasing the attractiveness, quality, and variety of the types of girls he attracts.
If you think of attractiveness as a spectrum, focusing on these categories will help you to increase your ability to attract and date women overall… and that may or may not be enough. But odds are good that if you make progress in these areas, you will begin to see more and more women paying attention to you… and in the end, that is what you need if you want to be able to find an attractive, quality dating partner.
So let’s get started.
Social Proof is, according to Wikipedia, ‘a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.’ This is actually a pretty complex thing to explain in detail in just one article, but we will try to summarize it by saying this.
Women tend to be more attracted to men with more social proof. And in general, the men with the most social proof are those who are influencers, leaders, and generally people that a lot of other people look up to.
To put it in the simplest terms, men with zero social proof usually look to others to determine how to behave in any specific social situation, while men with high social proof are looked to by others to figure out how they should behave.
Men who go to parties and kind of ‘cling to’ someone else because they do not know how to act are usually men with little to no social proof, while the man who throws parties, talks to everyone, does whatever he wants, and ‘sets the mood’ of the event is usually a man with a really high social proof.
Part of this is confidence. More confident men are usually trend-setters, which is attractive to women… while men who are trend-followers are usually less attractive, especially when compared to their trend-setter counterparts.
This is partly why ‘peacocking’ (making a bold effort to stand out and be different) tends to work.
To summarize, one of the best ways to be more attractive to women is to try to increase your social proof. Try to be more confident in yourself, do what you want to do, make your own way, and not care so much about what other people (especially the women around you) think about you. Men who do their own thing are often seen as a wild-card, which is quite attractive to women.
This isn’t license to be a jerk, or to be mean, of course… it is just license to be your own man, to have more confidence, and to try to claim a more ‘prominent social position’ in the ‘herd’ that you happen to be socializing with.
No guy wants to be told that they are unattractive.
But unfortunately for those among us that don’t have rock-hard abs or flowing locks of blond hair, there are advantages to being beautiful—and getting more attention is one of them.
If you are one of the most beautiful people in the room, you are simply going to attract more attention from the ladies. That is a fact, and it doesn’t matter how many women say that ‘looks do not matter.’ Looks do matter, because our primal urge to find an attractive mate is still very much alive, even when we are trying to keep it suppressed. And that makes us, as humans, more attracted to beautiful people than to unattractive people.
But the good news here is that you probably have more control over this than you think!
As it turns out, you don’t have to have a perfect body to score a 100 with women. If you can achieve, and maintain, a basically healthy physique, that will do a lot. Try hitting the gym to build up some muscle, and run on the treadmill or ride a bike to lose the beer belly.
You can also practice basic personal hygiene, get a haircut, trim your beard, and buy some clothes that fit your body well. Often, beauty is influenced just as much by confidence and effort as it is by body type. You don’t have to have a perfect body to put effort into your appearance and look good.
(Hitting the gym is still a good idea, though. Not only will it improve your appearance, but it will also give you more confidence and help you to meet new people.)
Also, on a side-note, being confident enough to make moves on a girl is also important. If you never approach a girl to strike up a conversation, you are probably not going to have as much success. So yes, you have to look good—but you also have to combine this with a confident attitude.
This is going to hurt—but a lot of guys these days, in our culture, are really bland and boring. Either they just work and play video games, or they work, watch sports, and drink beer.
But women are really attracted to diversity and uniqueness. So if you want to stand out, try doing some different things. Start going to events, exploring more interests, and accepting more invitations to more diverse types of social gatherings.
Meet new people and do new things. Then, pursue the things you love that also interest you.
This will do two things. First, it will make you appear a lot more interesting to women. Second, it will broaden your social circles, which will help you to meet more women whom you could potentially date.
And that brings us to our next suggestion.
Widen Your Social Circles
This is actually a lot more important than you might imagine. Some dating experts, in fact, say that this is probably the most important detail of all.
The simple truth is that some guys can’t find a girlfriend because they simply do not ever spend time around new potential dating partners. If your dating pool is not large enough, your odds of success are going to be very minimal.
So to overcome this challenge, try to expand your social circles. Start accepting those Facebook event invites… and if you aren’t getting any of those, try using Meetup, or browse the Facebook events section to find local events that you might be interested in.
If you start getting out and meeting new people, your social circle will expand… and you will also start to meet eligible women who may also be looking for a date.
It is also important, in such cases, to focus more on making new friendships and doing new things than on finding a dating partner. You don’t want to come off as desperate! Besides, ladies are more attracted to a man who doesn’t need someone else to be complete.
Focus on Yourself
Why can’t I get a girlfriend?
If you are asking this question and feeling frustrated, remember to take a step back and to examine yourself first. If you are looking for a girlfriend because you feel a void in life, then maybe you need to reconsider your reasons for looking in the first place. If you are looking for a girl to come into your life and make it worth living, then you may need to fix your life before you start dating someone.
As a general rule, relationships work the best when two happy people meet each other and make each other’s lives better. So as you begin to implement these strategies to improve your dating odds, don’t forget to work on yourself too. Learn to be comfortable with yourself to the extent that you don’t actually need another person to be happy.
If you can embody this principle, then you will find that your presence will start to put other people more at ease, because you will be surer of yourself… and that, in itself, is also a super-attractive trait!
And in the end, always remember to be kind. Some guys score dates by acting like assholes… but let’s nip the idea that this is a good strategy right off at the roots. The basic, core truth is that being an asshole does not make you attractive. It is, inherently, a detriment.
Being your own man and having your life together makes you attractive. Pent up anger and resentment for women is not cute, mysterious, or interesting… it is a problem that you need to fix before you can be happy in a relationship.
So yeah… just be kind and do your best. If you put effort into it and truly try to change what needs to be changed, you will undoubtedly find some cool girls to date, and will probably be in a relationship before you know it!
Just be patient. It will happen in its own time!
Joshua Sigafus is an experienced writer trying to make the world a better place. You can reach out to him on Facebook.