Do cougars really exist? This is a question that I’ve heard more than once, sitting with friends or colleagues, clinking glasses of wine or margaritas with thumping club music in the background.
It is interesting how these conversations come about, and it is even more interesting to watch how they unfold. When I hang out with younger men, I get asked about older women (mostly because I am friends with a lot of older women). But then, when I’m with older women, they ask me about my younger guy friends.
Do you think he’d have sex with me? Do you think he would be into it? It would be so hot to be with a younger guy!
For those of you who don’t know, a cougar is technically ‘an older woman seeking a sexual relationship with a younger man.’
And yes, they do exist.
But what is their ‘modus operandi?’ Why do some older women prefer the company of younger men?
As it turns out, there are a number of reasons for this. And in this article, we are going to explore them.
Are cougars looking for young men?
Yes they are… and we might know why.
Why Younger Men?
First of all, let’s define the terms ‘older’ and ‘younger.’ According to ThoughtCo.com, a cougar is usually a woman who is at least 35 years of age, who is sexually interested in men more than 8 years younger than her.
Of course, there are some people who believe that the term ‘cougar’ is sexist and derogatory… but for others, it is a term of empowerment. There are many women in the world who love being referred to as a cougar, and bear the title with pride.
But why younger men? Why would these women choose to be with younger men when they could be with men their own age, or older than them?
To be really honest, this doesn’t seem like a difficult question to answer. There are a lot of reasons for why women might prefer to be involved with younger partners.
Here is a list of some of the more prominent reasons.
1… Younger Men Are Attractive
Age is not always kind to us… and by the time men reach the age of 35, they may already be showing the telltale signs of age as it creeps upon them.
Granted, there are a lot of women who are into older men as well… but there are also fewer older men who are in good physical shape, who also take care of their appearance. Older men may have a larger belly, a thinning head of hair, saggy skin, wrinkles, etc.
You will notice right from the very first date with your Cougar that she is not like any other woman you have dated before.
— Cougar Dating (@_Cougar_Dating) February 8, 2019
Younger men, though, are tight and toned. Even if they do not exercise, their youthful body is generally still primed and ready for action. Their abs are usually tighter, their muscles firmer, and their hair thicker.
Younger men are usually seen as vital and full of life and youth… while older men may be more likely to appear tired and out-of-shape.
With this in mind, there is little wonder why older women would be attracted to men quite a bit younger than them.
2… Younger Men Last Longer in Bed
This is another reason for why older women may appreciate younger men in the bedroom… their stamina is usually higher.
Just like younger men will usually have an easier time sprinting up-and-down a basketball court, younger men usually also have an easier time going for more than 15 or 20 minutes in a ‘sex-infused romp.’ Many people believe that women do not even reach their sexual peak until later on in life, after the mid-thirties… but recent research has actually shown us that this isn’t even true.
The truth is that there is really no age-limit on horniness… so it should come as no surprise that women would still be highly interested in sex after 35… especially since this would be the time when a lot of women have transitioned from the ‘instability’ of their younger years to being more ‘secure,’ professionally and financially, in their later years.
This is also around the time when women with children will get more free time… and for some women, this may be the first time in their life since their late teenage years that they have had the opportunity to explore their sexual nature without the responsibility of caring for young children.
It is little wonder, then, that women would be so interested in exploring their sexuality with a wide range of partners… including younger men.
3… Being With a Younger Man Gives Her More Control in the Relationship
Older women will generally have more relationship experience than younger men. They will also generally have more sexual experience, and will also have more life experience as well. This will naturally lead to her ‘leading the way’ in the relationship and setting the tone.
She will also be more likely to be the one to take the lead in the bedroom. Whether she wants to date or just to have a one-night fling, she will likely be able to navigate the relationship as she chooses and make the core decisions about it if she is with a man so much younger than her.
If you are able to arrange a date with a cougar, you need to treat her like a queen. You need to show that you care, and be a gentleman.
— Cougar Dating (@cougardating021) February 8, 2019
This can be both a huge turn on and a new, exciting experience for her.
When women are with men who are older than them, it is usually the man who takes the leading roll. But a lot of women also love the idea of calling the shots… especially when they are in their thirties, forties, or fifties, and have had a chance to experience a wide range of things already.
Being with a younger man will likely make her feel powerful, sexy, and beautiful.
4… Younger Men Are Less Likely to Be in a Relationship
Believe it or not, but some older women also seek out younger men because a lot of older men are already in relationships. This may or may not play along with her preferences… but it is certainly a factor.
Some cougars just want to have sex with younger men, though they may be on the lookout for a man their own age to ‘settle down with.’ It really just depends on the person.
5… Dating a Younger Man Makes Her Feel Alive, Young, and Vibrant
A lot of women are seeking to ‘rediscover’ their youth as they grow into their thirties and forties… and this can open the door to experimentation with younger men. Women may want to be less serious about relationships, have fun, and enjoy the feeling of not being ‘dependent’ on the men they spend time with.
If you know how to do cougar dating right, then you could potentially have a pretty hot time!
— Date A Cougar (@DateCougar) February 7, 2019
But they may also enjoy the youthfulness and vibrancy that a relationship with a younger person brings them.
And this makes total sense! If you want to stay young and vibrant, it is obviously in your best interest to spend more time with younger, vibrant people!
Cougars Looking for Young Men – What Should You Expect?
So, you’re a guy who is thinking about either dating, or spending time with, a woman who is older than you.
But what is she going to expect from you? This is actually a very smart question to ask… and we’re going to talk about it for a moment.
You see, there are plenty of reasons for why older women might want to date younger men… but there are also a lot of things to be aware of as you navigate this experience.
Expect Her to Desire Honesty
Women over 35 have already had their fair-share of negative relationship experiences. Odds are good that they’ve been lied to before… and you can bet that there is a very good chance that this woman is going to value honesty over most things.
She wants you to be yourself, and she wants to be herself.
But it also goes further than that. She also wants to be open about who she is, and she is probably excited to discover who you are as well.
So don’t hide too much of yourself. Have fun and be willing to open up to her about who you are and what you like.
By the time a woman has reached the age of 35, 40, or older, she will have likely discovered how valuable relationships are when they foster openness and honesty.
So if you want to make this experience the best experience possible, try to give her that and be open to receiving it in return.
Expect Her to Be Bold, and Embrace It
She may take her time talking to you and getting to know you before you meet. She will desire comfortability and connection. But make no mistake; when she’s ready to make a move, she will let you know.
By the time a woman is in her thirties or older, she is likely already pretty comfortable with who she is sexually. She has probably also learned to appreciate her body and not act as ‘self-conscious’ as younger women do.
She has already gone through that phase, and she has learned that in the end, it really doesn’t matter if everyone likes her and appreciates her. She has learned to love herself and love her own body, and she isn’t interested in wasting time on younger men who cannot share in the adoration and confidence she has developed for herself.
So welcome her boldness. If you want an ‘insecure kitten,’ date younger women… not a cougar.
This is a woman who knows what she wants. And you can be sure that if she’s still talking to you, it is absolutely for a reason.
Expect Her to Take Control, and Let Her When She Does
This woman has been in enough relationships to know what she wants. She is also likely not afraid to speak her mind. She may want you to be dominant in the bedroom sometimes… but you can also be sure that she will do what she wants.
And that is something to embrace and enjoy, not to shy away from!
As a younger man, enjoy her confidence and her experience. Let her lead the way when she wants, and accept the opportunities she gives you to take the lead.
If she gives you the chance to be in control, enjoy it and don’t overthink it. Just be yourself, enjoy the connection, and let nature take its course.
This is not a woman who does things she isn’t excited about… and if she makes a suggestion or tells you that she wants something, follow the path and let her show you what she has in mind.
Be willing to go on this adventure with her, and don’t ruin it by trying to control everything.
Expect Her to Want Real Connection… Even If It’s Only For a Night or Two
Don’t rush things with this woman. If she wants to go to dinner, go to dinner. If she wants to buy you a cup of coffee, let her do it. If she wants to talk on the phone, do it.
As a young man, you are likely eager to move on to the sexual part… but if you’re not careful, you may miss out on a vital and invaluable part of the experience of dating a cougar.
She’s older than you, and is more experienced. And yet, she is still interested in you. She is willing to take this time out of her busy life to build a connection and explore the chemistry.
Get to know her. Be a good conversationalist. Tell her about yourself, and listen to her when she has something to say. Get to know who she is and what she wants in life. Ask her about her passions, and try to get a feel for the kind of woman she is.
Give her the small moments she craves. Hold her hand as you walk in the park. Give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before parting ways. Listen to her vent about work. Be a gentleman in public, but a wild animal in the sheets.
Dress nicely before going out! She will enjoy the eye-candy… and will also enjoy being seen out-and-about with a younger man than her.
Be the kind of date that makes her feel young and alive. This is why she’s dating younger men… not because she can’t get a date her age, but because she values the experience of being the older one in the relationship.
It doesn’t matter if you are actually dating or just planning to hook-up… make this experience a whole, pleasurable experience. If you do, you will be extremely grateful… and you will always look back on the relationship with fond memories.
Cougars are incredible creatures. They are full of life, passion, and vitality.
These women are not just ‘girls.’ They are fully matured women, in every sense of the word… and getting the opportunity to experience a relationship (be it long or short) with a woman who is older than you is truly a gift, especially if there is a lot of chemistry and connection.
In conclusion, we will give you some parting ‘tips’ to help make this experience the best it can be.
Number one… do not call her a cougar, unless you are sure that she likes the title!
Number two… older women like a man who knows what he wants, even if he is young. So be yourself and be honest about what you want. This will come off as very attractive to her!
Number three… these women are probably seeking romance as well as sexy adventures, so be ready and willing to provide it. Slow dance with her. Go for walks. Talk to her about her life. Compliment her. Tell her she looks beautiful. When your date is over, tell her you enjoyed her company.
Number four… ignore the age gap. Don’t even bring it up. Don’t ask her why she is looking to date a younger man. Just go with it. If you draw attention to it, it could be weird and ruin the moment.
Number five… be mature and don’t play mind games. These women want to feel beautiful, smart, and sexy. They want a mature younger man who can hold his own emotionally. They are not signing up to be your emotional babysitter. They want to have a good time and form a connection.
Number six… her friends matter, so try to impress them. The more her friends like you, the more attracted to you she will be!
Number seven… don’t be afraid to pursue her. One of the sexiest feelings for a woman is the feeling of being desired and pursued by an attractive man. So send her a good-morning text. Call her on lunch. Let her know that you’re thinking about her.
Don’t be obsessive… just how her that you are interested.
These small actions will go a long way toward making her feel good about where things are going! If you are interested in cougars looking for young men, then take these tips to heart and keep your head in the game!
Joshua Sigafus is an experienced writer trying to make the world a better place. You can reach out to him on Facebook.