If you are still a virgin at 25 (or 30, or 35, or even older), you may feel like you are in the minority. And in truth, you are.
But that doesn’t mean that you are the only one, either.
We actually get a lot of questions about this here at Male Ambition… which is why we wanted to go ahead and start a more in-depth discussion on the topic.
It is actually more common than you would think for guys to wait until a later age to have sex. Sometimes, in our very sex-glamorized culture, it can seem odd to wait until after your teen years to ‘get down’ for the first time.
But this is also completely a matter of perception.
So when it comes to losing your virginity, there is this huge glaring ‘line’ that separates men into two very different camps.
On one hand, you have men who are waiting on purpose, for a very specific reason.
And on the other, you have men who don’t really want to wait to lose their virginity. It just hasn’t happened for them yet, for one reason or another.
The big question, then, becomes this.
What do you want?
What Will I Learn?
- 1 First Off: What Is A Virgin?
- 2 Why Would a Man Wait to Lose His Virginity?
- 3 Let’s Start With Your Mindset
- 3.1 Step Number One: Be Honest and Ask for What You Want
- 3.2 Step Number Two: Practice Attraction
- 3.3 Step Number Three: Expand Your Social Circles
- 3.4 Step Number Four: Do Not Get Angry and Frustrated Over Rejection
- 3.5 Step Number Five: Take a Close Look at Your Friends and Family
- 3.6 Step Number Six: Talk to Attractive Girls Every Day
- 3.7 Step Number Seven: Keep Your Living Area Clean and Neat
- 3.8 Step Number Eight: Be More Interesting
- 4 If You Are A Virgin at 25, Here is Some Final Advice
- 4.1 Q: Women intimidate me. What can I do about it?
- 4.2 Q: How should I handle it if a woman says ‘no’ to my advances?
- 4.3 Q: What if I don’t end up being good in bed the first time?
- 4.4 Q: Should I tell her it is my first time?
- 4.5 Q: I am really afraid of STIs and pregnancy. Is this a valid fear?
- 4.6 Q: I am trying to wait for ‘The One,’ but I am not sure how to find her. What should I do?
- 5 In Conclusion
Because at the end of the day, your sexuality is yours… and yours alone. If you are a virgin and fine with that, then there is no problem!
But if you are one of the men on the other side of the line, who actually want to lose their virginity, but may be having trouble with it… that is another thing altogether.
To be fair, it is a big step in life to have sex for the first time. And for some guys, this pressure can put a damper on the event and cause a bit of stress.
So let’s get in-depth with this question, and talk about not only virginity, but also how you can help to tilt the odds in your favor to ‘losing it’ on your own terms.
Our sexuality is ours to do with as we please. And granted… having sex with another person is an act that requires at least two willing participants. But with a few tips, some positive reinforcement, and a bit of confidence, you may find that taking this big step isn’t anywhere near as difficult as it might seem.
Let’s talk about it!
First Off: What Is A Virgin?
If you are a guy, you may be wondering exactly what qualifies as ‘sex’ for the purposes of determining whether or not you are still a virgin.
Well, there are a lot of different ways to approach this… but for simplicity’s sake, we are going to use ‘vaginal sexual intercourse’ as the defining line in determining whether or not you have officially lost your V-card.
What we are talking about here is penis-in-the-vagina, heterosexual intercourse between a man and a woman.
Obviously, this is not the only sexual act. And if you are a gay man, then this obviously would not apply to you (anal sex with a man may be the defining line for you in that case).
But for the purposes of this article, and since our audience tends to be predominantly made up of heterosexual men who are interested in women, this is how we are going to define virginity.
I was having sex with a girl before and halfway through we were changing positions and she said “oh Cian I’ve never done this before”
in my head I was like wow she’s a virgin.. turned out I was putting it in her ass by accident
— cian (@herbz1996) May 4, 2019
As a heterosexual man, you are a virgin if you have not successfully engaged in vaginal intercourse with a woman at least one time in your life.
So… oral, anal, and hands don’t count for this specific discussion!
Now, with that behind us, let’s take a look at some of the numbers.
In 2015, according to data compiled by the CDC, the mean age where women lost their virginity was 17.3 years of age. For men, it was 17.
So, these two numbers are pretty similar… and they tell us that, on average, men are losing their virginity at about the age of 17, give or take a few years.
But, as with all averages, there are obviously men who exist at the extreme outer ranges of these figures… so let’s take a look at that.
The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24, and 5 percent of males aged 25 to 29.
This is telling us that 5% of men do not have sex until they are at least 25 years of age, or older.
So yes, there are certainly 25 year old virgins out there!
But it is also important to understand that these men are not all just ‘losers’ who cannot get a girlfriend. There are plenty of reasons for why a man may wait until later on in life to lose his virginity.
Why Would a Man Wait to Lose His Virginity?
There are a number of answers to this question. So let’s take a quick look at some of the most common answers.
- He may have a difficult time talking about sex with women
- He may be socially shy
- He may have low self-esteem, and is afraid to approach women
- He may have religious beliefs about sex and marriage that cause him to wait until he meets a woman he plans to marry
- He may be too busy with school/work to pursue sexual relationships
- He may have a low sex drive, or be otherwise physiologically uninterested in sex
- He may have very small social circles and not know anyone who he would be interested in having sex with
- He may be waiting to avoid STIs
- He may want to avoid the chances of pregnancy
- He may want to wait until he meets someone with whom he can form an emotional attachment with first
There are many, many reasons for why a guy may wait until later to lose his virginity. And with that being said, it is important that we clarify a few vital pieces of information before moving forward.
I am going to present this information as a series of three statements, and it is very important to consider each one of them carefully.
A man’s identity and value as a man are not contingent upon his current sexual relationships or ability to ‘pull’ women as sexual partners
A man’s virginity is his own to keep or lose, on his own terms… and he should not be shamed for waiting until he is ready to have sex for the first time
If a man is ready to have sex for the first time, it is understandable that such a big milestone may require more than a day to accomplish. It can sometimes take days, weeks, months, or even years for a man to become ‘fully ready’ to lose his virginity, and there is no shame in that
Now, with all of these things being said, I also want to clarify something that I think is also very important. And this idea is the idea that I want to focus the most on as this article progresses.
Some men WANT to lose their virginity, but DO NOT KNOW HOW to go about it. If this describes you, then the rest of this article is going to be focused on helping you to acquire the skills you need to ‘do the deed,’ and cross this major, important milestone in your life.
Oooppphhh… I want to try this pick up line or something similar on Future Boyfriend… that man is so shy he’ll be blushing from ear to ear 😂… I suspect he’ll be so embarrassed 😂😂😂😂… but Baby this is revenge for all the times you made my heart go boom boom… soooo~! pic.twitter.com/eRAT9hrdNK
— Kristina Luniewski (@LuniewskiKrissy) May 6, 2019
So, no pressure!
But if you do want to lose your virginity, we are going to give you some tips in this article to help you along in that process.
At any rate, please do not forget that a man’s worth is not the sum of the women he is sleeping with! Whether you have had 100 partners or 0 partners, you should still feel proud of yourself and realize that you are a valuable, important member of the human race and society.
It is also important not to get ‘obsessed’ with the idea of having sex so much that it causes you anger or frustration. Trust me… if there is one thing in life NOT to stress out over, it is losing your virginity!
Just chill out and take it all in stride. It may take you hours, or it may take you a year… but in either case, it is all good! Enjoy the journey, and try not to get in too much of a hurry!
Let’s Start With Your Mindset
First of all, it is very important that you take stock of where you are in life, and where you want to be.
Male Ambition is all about helping men to live their best life possible… and this all starts with the right mindset!
If you are still a virgin at 25, the first step in moving past it is to try to figure out why.
Is it because you have a hard time talking to girls? Is it because you’re waiting to get married? Is it because you’re afraid of getting an STI?
Once you answer this question for yourself, answer this one as well.
Are you truly ready to lose your virginity now?
If your reasons for staying a virgin are still relevant to you, then you may not be ready to do this… and that’s ok! There is no hurry.
But it is also important to try to figure out whether having sex would actually be a negative for your life, or whether you are actually retreating from it out of fear.
Are You finding Excuses why you Can’t or Are You Looking for Way You Can. The way you THINK about anything in life makes a difference. #Mindset pic.twitter.com/TV0q9W23iB
— Linda Houlihan (@LindamHoulihan) May 6, 2019
Sometimes, new experiences can scare us. But leaving our comfort zone is also absolutely essential if we want to live life to the fullest extent possible!
So be very honest with yourself. Do you want to have sex? If so, then you may want to figure out what is stopping you, and try to deal with those fears.
If you fear rejection, you may need to face that fear and start asking some women out.
If you fear STIs, do some research and arm yourself with knowledge so that you can have safe sex without being afraid of diseases or infections.
Sex is an amazing part of the human experience, and one of the most intimate social constructs that we can partake of in this life. To miss out on it (IF you truly wish to experience it) is actually quite a loss!
But… it is also important to remember that your life is yours.
So be honest with yourself. Try your best to figure out why you are a virgin, and then challenge yourself by asking yourself if you are truly ready to do this.
If the answer is yes, then keep reading… because we’ve got you covered! We are going to go over eight crucial steps to begin the process of losing your virginity and having some of that sexy, naughty fun you’ve been looking forward to!
Step Number One: Be Honest and Ask for What You Want
This is actually the most important step for any guy to think about if he is unhappy about still being a virgin.
A lot of men who are still virgins, who are actually trying to lose their virginity, simply never ask for sex.
They may beat about the bush, make hints, and try to get the girl to ask them. But that is not a very efficient way to go about it.
They often put it off because they are afraid of rejection. That, or they are simply intimidated by beautiful women.
As a general rule, losing your virginity goes something like this.
- You meet a nice, attractive girl
- You talk to her
- You ask her if she wants to go on a date, have dinner, come over to watch a movie… or even just straight-up to have sex with you
- If she says yes… awesome! If she says no… that is still totally fine! At least you asked!
Some guys get really frustrated when they get turned down by girls. But it is also very important that you don’t let this get to you!
It doesn’t always work on the first try. If the first girl isn’t into it, just move on and keep meeting new girls.
(Note that you may not always want to ask for sex right away. In some cases, you may want to feel the girl out and see if the two of you have good vibes first. If there is strong chemistry, you may want to go for it! If you just aren’t feeling it, then you may want to either move on, or ask her out for coffee instead of inviting her back to your house. It all really depends on the situation. If you meet her at a club, and the sparks are flying, and you feel good about it… invite her home that night!)
But the main idea here is to ask. You may even be able to ask a female friend if she would be willing to do it with you the first time.
(But if you do go this route, make sure that you’re not asking for pity sex! That is very unattractive and will probably haunt you later!)
The point here is that a lot of guys, when given the chance to make a move on an attractive woman, never actually come right out and ask for what they want.
Some guys express feeling ‘pervy’ if they come right out and ask for sex.
They might also feel like the girl will think that they are ‘gross’ for asking for it.
But a true alpha male doesn’t concern himself with what other people think. That is a HUGE thing to remember and keep in mind!
In all actuality, it is a lot less pervy to be honest and gracious than it is to try to beat about-the-bush and get frustrated when it doesn’t happen!
Besides, there is nothing pervy about wanting to have sex. We are humans, and we like it! It feels good and it’s an amazing way to bond with someone!
The main idea here is not to be afraid to ask for what you want. And if the person says no, don’t sweat it.
But you may actually hear more ‘yes’ answers than you would think!
Step Number Two: Practice Attraction
So, you have gotten over your fear of asking for dates and/or sex.
But now, you need to double-down on that by practicing attraction.
As men, it is important that we feel good about how we look. Confidence is very sexy, and women will pick up on it right away.
To gain that confidence, you need to feel good about yourself. Here are some tips for how you can practice attraction in your life, every day, to look and feel your best.
- Trim your hair and dress nicely
- If you have facial hair, keep it trimmed
- Practice good hygiene and stay clean
- Hit the gym. Start burning that belly fat and building those muscles
- Eat healthy foods, and cut out fast food and soda
- Start taking your life more seriously. Get a good job, make some decent money, and level up your skills
- If you don’t live in your own place, you may want to get your own pad! It is a huge turn-on when a man has his life together and has his own apartment/house to bring a girl home to
These are all things that you can take your time and work on slowly. You do not have to accomplish all of them right now.
The key here is to try to level yourself up so that you can not only be more attractive to women… but also so that you can feel better and more confident in yourself.
Self-confidence is a huge part of building yourself up and practicing attraction.
You will eventually hit a point where beautiful women will not intimidate you anymore… and that is awesome!
Step Number Three: Expand Your Social Circles
Sometimes, the biggest stumbling block to a man losing his virginity is that he simply doesn’t know a nice, attractive girl to lose it with.
So to remedy this, you will need to expand your social circles and meet new people.
Go to parties. Go to events. Get on Meetup.com and find local groups who do the types of things you enjoy doing. Get on Tinder and go on some dates! Take a class, or find a book club. Take acting classes! Join a band! Volunteer at a local non-profit that you’re passionate about.
You can also try online dating.
But even if you do choose to go that route, you should still try to expand your social circles in real life as well.
I once heard a dating expert say that if you go to just two different events every week that you wouldn’t normally go to, and actively try to meet people who share common interests with you… you have a pretty good chance of finding a girlfriend or boyfriend within a three month window.
And in my life, this advice has always stuck. Whenever I was single, I always tried to use that opportunity to do new things and meet new people.
And as a result, I was usually meeting interesting, beautiful new girls within the first couple of weeks or so.
But it also boils down to being open and willing to meet new people as well. If you always stand off quietly in the corner by yourself, you may actually look like a shy weirdo.
And that’s a big turn-off!
So overcome your fears and talk! Even if you end up looking ridiculous, you will probably still make people laugh… and that is awesome!
That is what makes you memorable! You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be open to being willing to meet people and start conversations.
Step Number Four: Do Not Get Angry and Frustrated Over Rejection
Some men have a really hard time with rejection. If they get rejected, they might feel bad about themselves and feel like they’re not worth the time to anyone.
And this can be a very hurtful feeling to get past, especially if you are still dealing with the pressure of losing your virginity!
But it is really important to remember that inner peace, self love, and balance are very attractive qualities. They will make you a happier person, and they will also send out positive vibes to the people you are spending time with.
When you put effort into being happy, attractive, easy-going, positive, and open, you will attract those same types of people to you… and it will only be a matter of time before you vibe with someone and strike up some romantic, sexy sparks!
Try not to take this sex thing so seriously. Enjoy the journey, and don’t let every rejection make you angry. If you do get angry at a girl for rejecting you, try not to take your feelings out on her. Put down your phone, and stop texting until you calm down.
It is a HUGE red flag to get mad at a girl when she rejects you! This is how some men get stuck in vicious cycles of anger and negativity.
A true, powerful alpha male will never let a rejection bother him. He will understand that not every human is attracted to every other human. He also knows that even if this girl is not into him, he will definitely be able to find one who is.
He is not threatened by a ‘no,’ because he understands that it is only a matter of time before he finds the girl who will eagerly say ‘yes!’
It is just a matter of finding the right person with the right chemistry.
Step Number Five: Take a Close Look at Your Friends and Family
One very important thing to look at if you are trying to make big life changes are the people you spend time with.
What kinds of people do you hang out with? What is your family like? What are your friends like?
What do they do with their spare time? Are your other guy-friends the types of people who are super-successful with women? Or, do they tend to be the types of guys who don’t have much success with sex and dating?
As a general rule, we want to spend time around people who are successful in the same ways that we want to be successful. So, pay attention to these types of things…
- Do your friends usually win with hot, attractive women?
- Do your friends keep themselves clean?
- Do they go to the gym and eat healthy foods?
- Do they take their work seriously and try to better themselves?
- Do they keep their rooms, cars, and houses clean and neat?
- Do they maintain positive attitudes and encourage you?
If your friends do not measure up to at least most of these standards, then there is a good chance that you need to start adding some different types of people to your life.
You need positive role-models who will encourage you and help to challenge you! You certainly do not need negativity and sloppiness!
Step Number Six: Talk to Attractive Girls Every Day
If we are being honest, one of the biggest reasons for why men don’t win with women is because they are afraid to approach them.
So, negate this weakness by working on your approach to women every single day.
You actually don’t have to get a number or even score a date with a girl to have a successful, flirtatious conversation.
Strike up conversations with attractive women wherever you see them. If you find yourself waiting in line with a gorgeous woman, talk to her! Flirt with that attractive cashier! Hit on the pretty girl at the library!
Is your waitress particularly attractive? Strike up some playful banter, and see what happens!
The more you interact and force yourself to talk with beautiful women, the less afraid of them you will be when the time comes to make a serious move on a girl you’re legitimately interested in.
Step Number Seven: Keep Your Living Area Clean and Neat
There is nothing that will turn a woman off more than a sloppy living area!
But even more than this, a sloppy living area will carry over into your life and threaten to make you a sloppy person!
So start helping yourself in this regard by tidying up your bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom at least once a day.
You should also work to keep your car clean.
Invest in some air fresheners for your car, and light some incense in your house!
Keep things vibing and smelling good!
Keep the dirty dishes done, and fold your laundry. Make your bed as well!
These may seem like small things. But when the time comes to have a girl over, she will be much more at home in a home that is clean, neat, and tidy!
And you will be a lot more confident if you do these things as well.
This will also send her positive messages about you as a person. If your house is clean and neat, you will look like you have your life put together well… and that is a HUGE turn on!
Step Number Eight: Be More Interesting
There is something to be said for being your own person… and if you love video games, good for you!
But most girls want to hear about something other than video games!
So start focusing on some skills or hobbies that you have a passion for. Take up some kind of art, and get plugged into a local community.
Try not to make these activities all about picking up girls or having sex, either. Rather, focus on yourself and on building up your life as an enjoyable, fulfilling experience.
Start painting, writing, or playing music. Take up boxing, read about philosophy, or start taking pottery classes!
Whatever it is you are interested in, start doing it and learning about it! This will not only give you opportunities to meet other people with similar interests, but it will also give you something cool to talk about when you do strike up a conversation with an eligible, attractive lady!
If You Are A Virgin at 25, Here is Some Final Advice
Now that we have talked about some of the primary steps involved in losing your virginity, remember that this is a very personal journey that goes differently for everyone.
But some of the best advice you will ever hear on this topic is the following…
- Be patient
- Don’t get frustrated
- Meet new people
- Practice attraction and try to be more outgoing
- Be the best version of yourself possible, and get your own life together
- When you meet someone, take the shot and ask them out!
- Don’t back down out of fear. If you want something, be an alpha-male and go after it!
I would also seriously suggest that you read our article on How To Become An Alpha Male, here… as that will do a LOT to help you understand the alpha male mentality and how to approach women with the right attitude.
I would also recommend reading this article, which is about how to dress to impress a lady.
Now, let’s go over some Questions and Answers that may help you to overcome some of the more ‘specific’ challenges associated with losing your virginity.
Q: Women intimidate me. What can I do about it?
A: It is very common for younger and less-experienced men to be intimidated by beautiful women.
So if you are feeling this way, remember that you are NOT alone!
The best way to conquer this fear is by facing it head-on. Next time you go to a party, find the most beautiful woman in the room and strike up a conversation with her!
Next time you go to the club, ask the hottest girl on the dance floor if she wants to dance!
Sure, you may get rejected sometimes. But if you keep trying, you will eventually learn that beautiful women are actually just like any other human. They are just trying to live their lives, experience pleasure, and find happiness.
They are often also a lot more shy and unsure of themselves than you would realize!
After a while, you will start to pick up on subtle nuances in their communication… and talking to them and figuring out if they are interested will become a fairly easy process!
Q: How should I handle it if a woman says ‘no’ to my advances?
A: This is a very good question! Say something like this….
“Ah ok! Thank you very much for the honesty!…” and then, just move on! There is no need to apologize or dwell on it. Just forget it and move on.
Don’t take it to heart. We all face rejection sometimes!
Q: What if I don’t end up being good in bed the first time?
A: In all truthfulness, you do not have to be awesome in bed to have a great time. You are obviously not super experienced if you are a virgin… but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t going to have a great time with you, either!
Just be yourself and do what feels good. Experiment. Ask her if what you are doing feels good. Check in on her and make sure nothing is hurting her! If she is a cool girl, she will probably be honored to be your first.
And even if she doesn’t know that she is your first, she will probably have a great time with you anyway!
And if something embarrassing does happen… just laugh it off! Sex is goofy and funny sometimes. It’s no big deal!
Q: Should I tell her it is my first time?
A: This is completely up to you! Some guys want to let her know, and others don’t want to.
Some guys use this as a pickup line! And some guys try really hard to keep it a secret.
The truth is that your sexual history is yours to share or not. So if you feel like sharing, share it. If not, that’s totally fine as well!
One piece of advice I WOULD give you, though, is not to lie about it!
Honesty is always the best policy! A true alpha male is never ashamed of what he really is, and would never lie about it to hide the truth.
Q: I am really afraid of STIs and pregnancy. Is this a valid fear?
A: Actually, yes! STIs are no fun, and pregnancy is NOT something you want unless it is planned!
But… with that being said, there is also no reason to be so paranoid about these things that you skip having sex altogether. When used correctly, condoms are pretty effective at keeping you safe.
So make sure to do your research! Always use condoms, even if she tells you that she is on birth control and/or clean… especially if you don’t know her very well!
Once you build up some more trust, you can experiment with other birth control methods. But condoms are pretty much a man’s best friend when it comes to safe sex! Learn to use them correctly, and never leave home without them!
Q: I am trying to wait for ‘The One,’ but I am not sure how to find her. What should I do?
A: This advice may sound jaded, but it is not. As a powerful alpha male, you need to understand that there simply is NO SUCH THING as ‘The One.’
When I first learned this truth, I went from being super-frustrated over one ‘average’ woman I was trying to date… to WINNING with multiple beautiful women on a consistent basis.
The truth is that we are humans. We are just sophisticated animals that are a little bit more intelligent than monkeys! So we need to stop overthinking things, and just live our lives in ways that feel good and bring us happiness.
In other words… don’t wait for ‘the one.’ If you find a girl attractive and cool, go for it! If it doesn’t work out, move on and try something else.
The world is full of people. Don’t limit yourself with that kind of thinking!
Here at Male Ambition, we strive to help every man be the best that he can possibly be.
To be really ‘real’ for a moment, we will also say this.
Being a man is not always easy. And if you are feeling ‘stuck’ as a virgin at an older age, there may not necessarily be an easy way to go about fixing it.
The bad news is that losing your virginity probably gets a little bit more difficult as you get older.
But the GOOD news is that it is 100% possible… as long as you have the right attitude and keep yourself in a positive frame of mind!
Don’t get discouraged by this! Instead, think of it as a new challenge. Think of this as just another chapter in your life that you’re excited to explore and conquer.
Losing your virginity is a big step. But whether you are a virgin at 25, 35, or even older… don’t give up!
If you want sex and intimacy, you are just as likely as anyone else to succeed in finding it!
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Joshua Sigafus is an experienced writer trying to make the world a better place. You can reach out to him on Facebook.
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