This question could literally have a different answer for every single guy. But for the sake of this article, and to make this piece as useful as possible to all of the men reading it, we are going to approach this question from a statistical standpoint… and share the most common reasons for why girls end up not liking some of the men they come across.
Hopefully, this will give everyone some insight into how to look at this problem in their dating life. It could be assumed that you might ask this question if you feel like you just can’t ‘win’ with the opposite sex. You try to find dates, you try to have fun, you try dating apps, you try texting, you try being nice, you try to pay for dates… but in the end, all it gets you is loneliness, zero texts back, and the sinking feeling that you are going to be alone forever.
Maybe you even feel like you are unlovable or undesirable to women.
Well, believe it or not, most guys have felt this way before. So let’s talk about this question and look at the biggest reasons for why women might not be responding.
Again, remember that every guy is different. Some of these may not apply to you. But a lot of women complain about all of these things… so it is important to keep that in mind as you go about the process of making yourself more attractive and desirable for the ladies around you.
So let’s get started.
She Just Isn’t Into You ‘Like That’
This can be a tough pill to swallow… but unfortunately, there just isn’t much that can be done about it. Losing some weight and taking better care of your appearance might help to increase the odds of women being attracted to you initially… but where chemistry is concerned, either two humans usually have it for each other, or they don’t.
Don’t beat yourself up over this one. You don’t have a ton of control over it. Just keep trying your best to be as attractive and as cool as you can be. Also, be real. Don’t be fake. Beyond that, there is a certain amount of this that is just up to nature and chemicals.
Also, don’t get mad at girls for not being into you. This is not really something they can control either. As a general rule, humans cannot really control what turns them on… and if you don’t ‘flip her switch,’ there is no good reason for her to feel bad about it. Yes, you might be tired of being turned down, but resist the urge to get mad at her.
Guys who get mad about this immediately look like super-jerks… and for good reason.
You Are Too Clingy
Girls want to be wanted. We all do. But at the same time, clinginess is definitely a turn off. This can be a very frustrating problem for guys… because sometimes, we just want her to like us so badly. And we are so into her, and all we want is to spend time together, to talk, to have fun, and to start building something together.
At first, this might not sound like too much to ask for.
But for some reason, nature has seen-fit to instill most women with a ‘disconnect’ when it comes to clinginess. It is one of the fastest ways to turn them off.
Either way, this is a hard one to fight… but try to resist the urge to be clingy. Just be chill and live your own life. She will pick up on it if you aren’t ‘content’ and ‘comfortable’ just with yourself, and that will really turn her off. Do things you enjoy, and try your best to give both of you room to be your own people and to live your own lives.
If you are too insecure in your association with her to even be at peace with what happens, then you are probably overwhelming her and making her feel closed-in on.
This is a hard one to explain because men often just want the girl to like them, so they try to be attentive… but oftentimes, this ‘attentiveness’ almost turns into possession, jealousy, and envy. And if she doesn’t pay enough attention to him, he might get mad, or get his feelings hurt, or act passive aggressive… and all of these are bad.
Girls want a guy who can take care of himself. She doesn’t want to have to put out emotional fires all the time. It is, as stated before, a huge turnoff.
You’re An Asshole
Ok, so this one is a little bit more blunt, but it can’t actually be stated enough. Being a jerk, being mean, acting rude, name-calling, giving her a hard time in an actual passive-aggressive way, trying to make her feel guilty for not doing what you think she should be doing… all of these things are a turn off. And yes, there may be a few women out there who will respond to it. But in the end, jerks generally end up miserable and alone.
In fact, the world is full of pick-up artists who almost make it a point to be kind of a jerk to the girls they are dating. The point generally has to do with appearing like a ‘bad boy,’ and while being a little rough around the edges can be appealing, there is a big difference between being an independent, mysterious man and being a jerk.
So yeah. If you want girls to like you, be kind. But then again, on the other side of the coin, don’t be a super sensitive little b!#ch, either.
This is a really hard line to explain because so many men seem to gravitate to one or the other. But there is such a thing as a man who is…
- Emotionally self-sufficient
- A bit of a bad boy
- Safe and non-dangerous
- Non sketchy
- Not a woman-hater
And yes, this kind of man is the type of man that women love. Some men try to synthesize this, though, by acting like a jerk, by low-key insulting her, or by being a little bit mean.
Hey, some gentle flirting and teasing is one thing. But being a jerk will just plain get on her nerves.
You Are Too Nice
This is kind of a trick-reason that we threw in here to talk about something that could actually be better labeled as ‘faux generosity.’ We’ve kind of covered this, but it bears repeating again.
Women want a guy to be nice, but she wants him to be genuinely nice… not just acting nice to get laid. But if they are ‘too nice,’ well, there is something to be said for that as well. It can sometimes come off as clingy, and it can even come off as annoying if the girl is pretty independent.
A lot of ‘nice guys’ will do ‘nice guy’ things, and that is awesome. But then, if the girl ends up not being into it, a lot of ‘nice guys’ end up being jerks who get butt-hurt and offended when she ends up not being DTF.
So yeah. This one is also kind of hard to explain, but basically, it can be summarized like this.
Women want a nice guy. But they are not going to want you if they don’t have chemistry with you, no matter how nice you are. Some guys, on the other hand, seem to have this idea that if they are nice to a girl, that girl should feel like they owe him something. Or, that she should be with him just because he is a nice guy and putting in so much effort.
But… women don’t want men to ‘put in so much effort.’ They just want the guy to be nice because he is nice, and to do what he does because he genuinely wants to. And even then, they may not have the chemistry to date him.
At the end of the day, it really all comes down to chemistry. You can help yourself, though, by doing a few things.
Why Doesn’t She Like Me? How to Increase Your Chemistry So That More Women Will Be Attracted to You
If you want to make yourself more attractive, in the hopes that more women will have chemistry for you and possibly want to date you, here are some tips.
- Start working out. Lose excess belly fat and get down to a more healthy weight
- Work on yourself emotionally. Learn to be an independent person and to be emotionally self-sufficient
- Keep yourself, your car, and your house/apartment clean and fresh
- Take care of yourself. Eat right, take vitamins, and be proactive about your health
- Find your own hobbies, interests, activities, and friends
- Get more confident in yourself. If you need to, consider seeing a therapist
- If you have mental illness, get it treated so that you can try to have a better grasp on your emotional health, as that is super important
- Be more responsible with your money, time, and resources
Obviously, there are many women who have different tastes, and these things will not necessarily guarantee that you will find a girlfriend in every case. The main thing, however, is to work on yourself. As you will notice, all of these things are actually good for you… but that is also the point. Be good to yourself, and love yourself… because at the end of the day, when people (aka attractive ladies) see that you love yourself and take care of yourself, it will be more believable to them that you are worth investing in.
Plus, you will appear more attractive as well. And that is a really good thing!
Joshua Sigafus is an experienced writer trying to make the world a better place. You can reach out to him on Facebook.