Pickup lines are about as old as the concept of flirting itself. And of course, they are intended to spark some flames—so naturally, all pickup lines at least hint at a bit of ‘naughtiness.’ But these dirty pickup lines, chosen by-hand from our favorite locations across the internet, take things a bit further.
Sometimes, you need to get right to the point and make a dramatic first-impression. Sometimes, situations call for you to make big moves in short periods of time. Sometimes, you only get a few moments to make the kind of impression with your crush that could land you a date, some alone-time after the party, a night of passion, or even a phone number.
And for every man who may potentially find himself in such a situation, there are more than a few dirty pickup lines for him to keep in his quiver.
Granted, these pickup lines are not going to be useful in every situation—but they can be awesome to have ready when the occasion calls for it.
Pickup-Line Tip of the Day
Remember that dirty pickup lines can be risky. It can sometimes be difficult to know how ‘explicit’ to get with a lady. Sometimes, you may find yourself dealing with an adventurous woman who loves to push the limits. But some girls prefer to conduct themselves with a bit more ‘grace,’ and naughtiness may not be the first thing they show you.blushing women
So it is extremely important that you take the context of the situation into account, and tread lightly when it comes to vulgar or sexually-explicit subject matter. You might want to test the waters a bit with something really mild before you dive right in with heavy-hitting sexual wordplay.
Is she talking about things that lead you to believe that she is a bit on the prudish side? Or is her lingo the type that would have her mother blushing? You should probably let her set the pace for the most part when it comes to this… so reserve the dirtier pickup lines for a woman who you know isn’t going to be offended by them.
Humorous Dirty Pickup Lines
Here are some more ‘humorous’ dirty pickup lines that you can use to lighten the mood. Try not to take these too seriously. The point of using pickup lines like these is to provoke a smile and to stimulate the conversation with some humor.
You might even set them up like this…
“Hey, I heard this terrible pickup line the other day…”
Anyway, here are our five favorite humorous dirty pickup lines.
“I heard you are looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD… all I need is U!”
“Let’s go back to my room and do some math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and hope we don’t multiply!”
“Oh, you like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime!”
“My face is leaving in fifteen minutes… be on it!”
“You know, if I were you… I would have sex with me.”
Keep in mind that context is everything when dropping one of these lines. You should never take them too seriously, and it is a good idea not to expect some kind of ‘definitive answer’ when you do find the right time to drop one. Remember… the idea is to say something witty that will make her laugh.
If done correctly, this will earn you some serious points and result in her paying a bit more attention to you.
More Serious Dirty Pickup Lines
These pickup lines are a bit more serious. Yes, these can still be light-hearted (they usually are), and should probably only be dropped when it wouldn’t hurt anything for her to laugh. But… they can also contain hints of an element of romance or sexual tension to them. If you can manage it, try to keep her guessing. Are you serious, or are you just making a joke?
Getting her intrigued with you will make her curious… and that is exactly what you want!
“Did you get those pants at 50% off? Because they’re 100% off at my place.”
“My friend and I made a bet, and I need to check if those are implants.”
“Nice pants! Can I test the zipper?”
“I’m jealous of your dress. [Girl: why?] Because it’s touching your body and I’m not.”
“That’s a nice smile. It would look better if that was all you were wearing.”
Remember that you should never appear desperate, either… especially when using pickup lines. Be your own man. Talk to other ladies, but pay her some special attention—just enough that she can tell that you are possibly into her. A lady likes a man who knows what he wants!
Our Least Favorite Dirty Pickup Lines
These are some disasters that we found while browsing the web. We’re not sure if anyone has ever used them, but we include them here to advise you never to let them cross your lips! Utterance of these profane abominations will probably not end well at all. To be honest, we wouldn’t even suggest that you use these on your wife!
“I’m the doctor of love, baby… and you’re overdue on your meat injection.”
“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore… My face should be among them!”
“My dick has been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it mouth-to-mouth?”
“Do you live on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock!”
“There are eight planets in our solar system… but only seven after I destroy Uranus!”
Yeah, they’re pretty bad. If you’re going for broke and you want to risk her just turning around and walking away, drop one of these and see what happens… but they’re hail-marys at best!
Our Favorite Dirty Pickup Lines
These are the dirty pickup lines that we liked the most. These are way less cheesy, but still kind of silly… so if you do end up using one, make sure that the timing is right. When using pickup lines, always be ready for them to be met with laughter. That is really kind of the point. If you are delivering any pickup line with the idea that it is seriously going to get her to whisk you away to the bedroom, you are probably going to end up disappointed.
These dirty pickup lines can add a light-hearted, yet dirtier element to the conversation. And if you drop them at the right time, they might even get her brain to travel southward… which is a very good thing for you!
“What are you doing tonight, besides me?”
“My magical watch says you’re not wearing any panties. Oh, you are? Damn… it must be an hour fast!”
“I might not go down in history… but I will gladly go down on you!”
“What time do you get off? Can I watch?”
“Lie down on that couch and pretend like your legs hate each other.”
Remember that setting up your pickup lines is almost more important than the delivery. If you want to come off as witty, then watch for triggers in the conversation that could give you an opening.
Her: I’m really close to the end of my shift. I’m glad! I can’t wait to get outta here!
You: Awesome! What time do you get off?
You: Can I watch? (wink, laugh… quickly move on to avoid potential awkwardness)
Also remember that making her laugh is a good thing. Some guys get disappointed if the conversation doesn’t get all ‘hot and heavy’ right away. Some guys also try to force it too soon, and end up coming off as creepy.
Guys, the simple truth of the matter is that a lot of the greatest girls out there are really silly… and this may be especially true if they are horny. So play into the silliness. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Have a good time and give her plenty of space to be goofy and funny. Let the energy be what it wants to be, and just be patient. If you play your cards right, and if the chemistry is good, you will likely end up seeing her naughty-side… but pushing it too soon can really ruin the mood.
Pickup lines are fickle because they require a really good sense of timing, but they also need to be delivered right.
And finally, remember that there is really no substitute for trial and error. Just like any other skill, flirting and talking to girls requires practice. You can read as much about it as you want, but you won’t really get a good feel for it until you start trying. So dress up, go out, meet some cool people, and start striking up some conversations!
Joshua Sigafus is an experienced writer trying to make the world a better place. You can reach out to him on Facebook.