If anyone in this world understands the friend zone—it’s me.
I get it. It sucks. And I’ve been there more times than I can count.
But if you want to learn how to get out of the friend zone, I’m going to tell you a secret.
It all starts with your mindset.
In this post, you’re going to learn 17 essential tips that I’ve learned in my dating and relationship experiences over the past 13 years.
These tips helped me to go from being a ‘loser dork’ who couldn’t get out of the friendzone, to being an alpha male who can literally choose to date as many women as I want.
It’s not difficult. But it does require some understanding.
What Will I Learn?
Here are the 17 steps. If you follow these tips, you’re bound to level-up and succeed.
17 Steps – How to Get Out of the Friend Zone With a Girl
1. Don’t Fall Into It to Begin With
Nailing your first impression with a woman is incredibly important.
And in my experience, this is the key to avoiding the ‘friendzone’ debacle in the first place.
I’m going to be honest with you, men. Once she classifies you as a ‘friend’ as opposed to a ‘sexual interest,’ getting back on top of the situation (yes, pun) is going to be infinitely more difficult.
When it comes to registering as a real option on a woman’s sexual radar, first impressions matter.
In my experience, the best way to establish a first impression that keeps you out of the friendzone is to act confident, strong in yourself, and honest about what you want.
When I meet a woman and introduce myself for the first time, I evaluate her.
Would I be interested in this person as a sexual partner?
Do I actually want to try to sleep with this person?
These are questions that you need to answer for yourself.
And to be honest, there is no hurry to answer them right away.
In fact, contrary to popular belief, there isn’t anything wrong with getting to know a girl before deciding if you would be interested in her to begin with.
But for most men, this isn’t the problem. Most men go wrong when they decide that they want her, but fail to act on that desire in the appropriate fashion.
You may think that I’m crazy for saying this, but hear me out, men.
Women can smell this a mile away.
It’s like a sixth sense. And if you fall prey to it, you’ll literally friendzone yourself.
It’s science.
If you want her, but fail to act on it like a strong, confident man—she is going to lose interest so fast that it will make your head spin!
Avoiding this problem is half the battle.
You know what they say. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure—and it’s true.
2. Stop Being Afraid of Rejection
So many men are afraid of rejection.
And to a point, this is understandable.
It hurts to be told that you aren’t attractive enough. It hurts to know that the person you are attracted to doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
But men, I’m going to let you in on a secret.
There is nothing to fear.
Rejection is a part of life. Not every woman is going to be interested in you, and that is fine.
Even if you learn to game and get really good at pickup, you are not going to score 100% of the time.
But you do need to put yourself out there!
I learned to overcome my fear of rejection through ‘Exposure Therapy’.
I picked out a night, went to the club with a friend, and used a truly mortifying pickup line that would basically guarantee that I would get rejected.
And guess what? It worked. That night, I used the pickup line on the 10 most beautiful women at the club—and got rejected every time.
One girl even spit out her drink when she heard it!
I literally got laughed at by entire groups of women for trying to use this pickup line.
But something crazy happened.
After that, I realized that rejection isn’t so bad—and this empowered me to become bolder.
That night, I overcame my fear of engaging with women.
Why would I fear rejection? There is always another chance. The world is full of people!
3. Present Yourself Honestly: As a Man With a Sexual Interest
This is where most men really go wrong with the friend zone issue.
If you want to learn how to get out of the friend zone with a girl, learning to be up-front and honest about your intention is important.
Here’s the thing.
Men and women serve different roles in nature. Men are nature’s competitors, and women are the natural ‘selectors.’
In the words of David M. Buss, in his highly acclaimed book The Evolution Of Desire, Strategies Of Human Mating, he says:
“Males who fail to attract females risk being shut out of mating.”
And it is true. Women can walk into any club and be virtually guaranteed that they will be able to get laid.
For most men, this is not the case.
But women also face a different problem.
They don’t want to just have sex with any man. They want a high-value man to copulate with.
So as men, we stand to gain a lot of ground on the dating market by becoming higher-value versions of ourselves.
And part of this comes from how we present ourselves.
I recently met an attractive woman for coffee.
I decided immediately that I was sexually interested in her.
But here’s the thing.
She had no shortage of interested men pursuing her—and no sooner had we started talking than she was telling me about all of the men who wanted to sleep with her.
In other words—if I didn’t act fast, I was going to be put into the friend zone by default.
This is an important element. Women decide whether or not they have sexual interest quickly.
You may only have one hang-out or date to make your true sexual intentions known.
Unless she has a massive crush on you, she’s going to rule you out as a friend if you don’t step up and make your move.
So I engaged with her, started flirting with her, and made my intentions known by sexually escalating.
I went for a kiss early-on in the date, 20 minutes after we started talking—so that there would be no question about what I was interested in.
This was my way of putting it all on the table as a man.
This was me basically saying:
“I’m sexually interested in you as a man. I’m not just here to be a friend. I enjoy your company, but I want to take this further. Are you interested?
She reciprocated my kiss. And after the date, we connected in a more private setting—and had a very good time together!
In other words, she took the hint—and from that moment on, she categorized me as a ‘sexual interest,’ not as a friend.
And that’s what you want.
4. Know What You Want and Stand By It
When I was younger, I met a woman at the club.
She was short, cute, had long dark hair, and was wearing this really cute little black dress.
I was interested in her, but I was still operating with a beta mindset—and I was afraid to put myself out there.
So I just acted friendly toward her. I didn’t make any kind of flirting moves at all.
And like clockwork, about 30 minutes into our hangout, she started telling me how most men just want to have sex—and how nice it was to just hang out with a guy who wasn’t interested in that.
I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. Like clockwork—she had already categorized me as a friend, not as a sexual interest.
But here’s the thing.
I didn’t try to disagree with her. I let her say it and I went with it, because I was afraid of rejection, and figured that it was better to be her friend than for her to walk away from me.
In my mind, being her friend was more likely to get me into bed with her than disagreeing with her. In my mind, I needed to avoid ‘disturbing the waters.’
I didn’t want to disagree with her.
Men, this is where it starts to go really wrong.
I did all kinds of things wrong with this woman.
Learn from my mistakes.
Do not be afraid of disagreeing with a woman.
If you are interested in sex, own it.
Know what you want, and stand by it.
Don’t second-guess yourself.
Don’t be ashamed of your sexual interest.
There is nothing to be ashamed of.
If you don’t just want to be friends, be willing to make that known to her.
You may get rejected sometimes. But sometimes, women will respect and admire your strength of character—and this will actually make them more attracted to you.
5. Stop Trying to Impress Women
Nice-guy syndrome, putting women on a pedestal—this problem wears many masks.
But at the end of the day, the issue is this.
Many men believe that they need to impress women to attract them.
Men may try to impress women by being nice, worshipping them, putting them on a pedestal, trying to be a ‘gentleman,’ spending money on them, being their friend, etc.
But here’s the thing.
This mindset is incredibly destructive to men who are trying to display sexual interest.
At the end of the day, the act of you trying to impress a woman sends only one message.
That you are not as good as her, and that you need to impress her in the hope that she will give you sexual access.
But men—this is not how it works.
This is what women automatically sense when you try to impress them.
This man doesn’t think that he is as good as me—so he must be right. Why would I want to let him sleep with me if he doesn’t even think that he is a high-value man?
This is so subtle. And yet, this is exactly the message we send to women when we try to act super nice, be a gentleman, and/or put her on a pedestal.
We are literally showing her that she must be better than us—and she will believe it!
6. How to Get Out of the Friend Zone With a Girl: Stop Falling Into a Scarcity Mindset
I love how Jessica Dowches-Wheeler describes the scarcity mindset.
“A scarcity mindset is the belief that there will never be enough, resulting in feelings of fear, stress, and anxiety.”
When you operate with a scarcity mindset about women, you give off vibes that are needy, desperate, and clingy.
And to women, all of these vibes resonate with a simple, detrimental message.
You are low value.
Women don’t want low-value men.
They want powerful, strong, leadership-oriented men who will excite them, challenge them, sweep them off their feet, and lead them into a beautiful, slightly dangerous, erotic sexual adventure.
But if you walk up to women, try to impress them, and operate out of a fear of rejection—you give off the signals of a scarcity mindset.
As high-value men, we need to understand that women are looking for men with an abundance mentality.
Women are going to put men with a scarcity mindset into the friend zone because they simply don’t register as high value.
Whereas, when men approach women out of a mindset of abundance, the woman picks up on the fact that many beautiful women want this man.
This makes her realize that he must have value. And so, instead of automatically putting him into the friendzone, she categorizes him as a sexual interest.
Make no mistake. Women are sexual creatures as well.
In fact, there is some evidence to suggest that women may actually be hungrier for sex than men.