As men, we all want to be our best.
We want to win as men, succeed in life, and achieve everything we set out to achieve.
And for men, masculinity is an important part of this equation.
How to be more masculine. This is a question that men nowadays really struggle with—partly because of today’s modern views on the subject are confusing and misplaced.
Our culture does not always smile on masculinity. And yet, people wonder why truly masculine men are difficult to come by.
What Will I Learn?
Well in this post, you’re going to learn the truth.
How to be more masculine.
Let’s break it down and get to the heart of the matter.
What Does It Mean to Be ‘Masculine’?
This is the first question—and it’s a good one.
What does ‘masculine’ even mean?
It’s not complicated, and I’m not going to try to spin it in a complicated way.
To be ‘masculine’ means to hone in on the traits that make you a strong, powerful, and effective natural man.
They are also the traits that separate you from what it means to be ‘feminine.’
All humans need a blend of masculine and feminine energy to be fully actualized and effective.
In many ways, our culture decides what is ‘subjectively masculine.’
But that isn’t necessarily what I’m talking about.
Sure… having more body hair, having a penis, having testicles, having muscles, having a beard, having a lower-frequency voice—many of these things may be considered ‘masculine’ by some subjective standards.
But as men, it is important that we get closer to the heart of the matter.
Sure, we are all going to place ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ into different subjective categories.
For me, these things seem pretty intuitive—and I think that we would all agree that this is a subject of nuance and individual perception.
I view the large, strong muscles of a man’s shoulders as masculine—and I view the soft, elegant curves of a woman’s hips as feminine.
When I hear a gruff, low-frequency voice, I would label that as masculine. By contrast, a delicate, higher-frequency voice would be more likely to register as feminine to my senses.
Of course, I am not the ‘be all, end all’ decision-maker when it comes to defining what is ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine.’ To a great degree, we define these things for ourselves.
But in order to understand the concept of masculinity and quantify it as objectively as possible, I believe we need to understand how men evolved, and why.
That way, we can avoid getting caught up in purely subjective details—and we can find objective answers to the question of how to be more masculine.
Or at least, we can find the most objective standard possible… even if that standard isn’t necessarily a perfect fit for everyone.
Why Men Evolved Differently From Women
I’m going to shoot you straight on this.
And while this may seem like a concept that is far-away from the objective of understanding masculinity, I assure you that this is a great starting place for the conversation.
Women Evolved to Conceive, Nurture, and Protect Their Children
Therefore, all throughout evolutionary history, it has been the woman’s primary sexual motivation to seek out the highest value men possible to procreate with.
Men who were capable of helping her by:
- Sharing resources
- Protecting her and the children from enemies and predators
- Standing by her side and making sure that she had food, water, shelter, etc.
- Providing status and tribal connections to further increase the odds of survival for her and her children
This is the type of man women adapted to be attracted to and is the type of man women sought to attract, find, and pair-bond with.
The better the man, the easier and safer life was for her and her offspring. And so, that is what women evolved to look for—men who would contribute and help her to be successful in her evolutionary mandate.
You see, getting sperm has always been easy for women.
As you probably know, most women can pretty much get laid whenever they want.
Their problem is that they only really want sperm from high-quality men.
And so, women have adapted to vet men based on a certain number of high-value traits.
And this is what I consider natural masculinity.
Natural masculinity consists of the traits that women are looking for in a high-value man—the traits that will help a man achieve his natural sexual programming and objective.
Note: Obviously, not all women want to have a bunch of children. But… the instinct and drive to reproduce is still alive and well. That is why humans have evolved to love and seek-out sex.
In other words, to put it quite simply, women want to be sexually satisfied by the highest value men possible.
They don’t want to just jump into bed with ‘any guy.’ They want the best guy they can possibly get.
Men Evolved to Spread Their Genetic Lineage as Much as Possible
All throughout evolutionary history, men adapted to succeed in trying to father as many children as possible, in the hopes that those children would up safely so that they could proliferate the human species and produce offspring of their own.
He accomplished this mandate in a few different ways. He evolved to:
- Be attractive enough to women that they would select him as a partner
- Have a healthy body and sperm so that he could successfully reproduce when chosen
- Be strong and agile so that he could hunt, gather, and protect himself, his tribe, and his children from harm
- Be a leader and a strong social presence for the tribe. This made him valuable on a tribal-scale and gave him status, power, and resources among other humans, which all made him ‘high value’ in the eyes of the females
So, what does this leave us with?
It leaves us with the beginning of an answer to our question.
How to be more masculine.
We accomplish this by becoming effective men and leveling up to give ourselves our best odds at achieving what nature intended us to achieve.
That does not necessarily mean that we want to have a lot of children. But it does mean that there are going to be elements to these things that matter to us—and rightfully so.
All men are descendants of the successive generations of men who came before them. And there is a reason why we have adapted and evolved to be what we are today.
And so, we want to do our best to act in accordance with our true nature as men. This will result in the greatest levels of success, achievement, and self-fulfillment.
What Exactly Is Toxic Masculinity?
Embed YouTube vid:
Toxic masculinity is a buzzword used in today’s culture to label things that mainstream culture sees as inherently traditionally masculine, and also harmful to men, women, and society in general.
But don’t get caught up in these buzzwords. Don’t buy into the ‘men are bad’ propaganda being spread by the extreme feminist agenda.
There is nothing shameful or toxic about being a man, and men are not ‘lesser humans’ when compared to their female counterparts.
As humans, we all want to do our best to live in accordance with natural laws. We also want to ask (and should be asking) serious questions about morality, ethics, and how we should treat one another.
And it is in our best interest to prioritize ourselves, while also treating other humans with common decency, respect, and kindness.
It is also important that we walk away from humans who are harmful to us.
But make no mistake. There is nothing ‘toxic’ about masculinity—modern, traditional, or otherwise.
Some humans behave badly. This could include men or women. But as men, we must always strive to live our best life and to be the best that we can be.
How to Be More Masculine – Figure Out What Your Goal Is
Alright. Now that we’ve talked about a few key pieces of the puzzle, let’s delve into exactly what we can do to become more masculine.
But obviously, you also need to define what you want to accomplish by becoming more masculine, so figuring out what your goal is should be a starting point. Then, you need to figure out which behaviors are going to help you move in accordance with nature toward the goals that you have set for yourself.
And when you answer the ‘why’ to this question, you will have answered the overall basic question, which serves as the premise for this post: How to be more masculine.
For the purposes of this post, I’m going to be operating under the assumption that we want to achieve a few basic goals that I think most men could agree on.
As a man, you want to:
- Improve your dating and sex life
- Be more successful
- Be more effective
- Make more money
- Be happier
- Be healthier
- Be at peace with your own masculinity
These are pretty basic goals—and they are fairly universal in the sense that most men probably want to accomplish at least a few of them.
With that being said, let’s now talk about 7 essential steps that every man can take to become more masculine and succeed at these 7 basic goals.
Nature Gives Us a Few Clues About What It Means to Be a Masculine Man
Now that we have established a framework for what it means to be more generally successful as a man, and have established that becoming more masculine basically means to work in accordance with nature to further our life goals and aspirations as men, we can get a bit more specific about the exact steps that are needed to get us from where we are now, to where we want to be.
And I have broken this process down into 7 overarching steps… each with a series of tips contained within to help you achieve them.
There are doubtlessly more steps and tips that you could incorporate into this, as the journey to become a better man and to increase your masculinity does not end after just 7 steps.
But I see these as being the 7 big steps that men should try to take to really level up their masculinity, succeed in life, and achieve their goals as men.
And of course—not every man will want the same thing, either. So you need to figure out what you care about in life, and then tailor your steps to suit those goals.
With all of that being said, let’s dive into the steps.
How to Be More Masculine – 7 Steps That Every Modern Man Should Be Taking
1. Reproduce More (In Other Words – Have Lots of Great Sex, Even If You Don’t Plan on Having Children)
Sex is a healthy and natural part of life. And while not every man wants to have children—reproducing is not necessarily the goal here.
The goal is to have as much sex as you want because you are a man, and most men love sex.
We enjoy sex because we have adapted to enjoy it. Therefore, we should take part in it and in the many benefits, it brings. It feels good, it promotes intimacy, it provides human touch—and, it’s just plain hot!
There are many people in our modern world who act like sex is something dirty or to be ashamed of—especially if you are a man.
People will say that ‘men only want sex,’ and make it sound like desiring a lot of sex in life is a bad thing if you are a man.
There are even people who make it sound like men should be ‘better’ than wanting sex—which is nothing more than a form of glorified male sex-shaming.
Well, this is nonsense.
Wanting sex as a man is a very good thing—and you should strive to have as much good, positive, pleasing sex as you would like.
But here’s the challenge. This will require you to learn how to date and attract women.
Alpha men do not beg, hope, or wish for sex. They learn attraction skills and become highly desirable. In doing this, they increase their dating pool—and this gives them options.
Check out our post: How To Pick Up Girls In College: A Complete Guide.
This is how a truly masculine man operates. We never want to operate from a position of sexual scarcity—and here’s why.
2. Operate From a Position of Sexual Abundance
While sleeping with more partners doesn’t necessarily equate to increased happiness for men in the scientific literature, it does have a dramatic effect on your dating life, quality of life, and decision-making habits where relationships are concerned.
And if you want to truly level up your attraction and succeed, it is important that you date from a position of sexual abundance—not a position of sexual scarcity.
In other words—learn to attract many different types of women, and engage with them. Have sex with them if you want. Go on all kinds of dates, and keep your calendar as full as you want it.
Have options. Don’t settle down to become a one-woman man until you are 1000% sure that it’s the right time, and that you’ve already played the field.
Here’s the thing.
There is nothing masculine about being desperate for sex.
Women don’t find it attractive. In front of other men, this kind of mindset makes you look weak.
But even more importantly—this kind of mindset strips you of your power and masculinity as a man.
A strong, powerful man should be able to dictate his own sexual destiny.
And he accomplishes this by learning the skills of attraction and dating.
He works hard to level up and become a high-value man—the type of man who succeeds in business, wins at life, and gains the attention of the highest-value women in the room.
If you’re having trouble attracting women, take a look at this post: Why Don’t Girls Like Me?
In any case, it is highly important that you do away with your scarcity mindset when it comes to dating.
Level up your dating game to the point where you have many options… then take your time and enjoy yourself.
If one woman isn’t interested—oh well. You’re not desperate. You’ll just move on to the next one.
In doing so, you increase your sexual marketplace value—and you also increase your masculinity by taking control of your own sexual destiny.
A strong, healthy man is also a sexually satisfied man.
And satisfying your sexual appetites is up to you. You accomplish it by being so awesome that many beautiful, high-value women will desperately want to date you!
3. Develop Yourself as a Leader
As much as humans might like to believe that ‘leadership is an art,’ the scientific literature on the subject tends to differ.
As it turns out, being a leader is definitely a skill and a science—and it is something that we must learn.
One of my favorite quotes about leadership comes from The Art of War, by Sun Tzu.
“Treat your men as you would your own beloved sons. And they will follow you into the deepest valley.” -Sun Tzu
If you wish to be an alpha minded masculine man, you cannot separate yourself from the responsibility of leadership.
The scope of leadership may vary by every man’s desires and life context. But every man must look around him, take responsibility for his surroundings, and seek to strive forward toward his mission and his purpose—often helping and leading others along the way.
If you are a father, you should lead your family.
If you are a manager, you will need to lead your team.
If you own a company, you must lead your employees.
If you are leading a project, you need to learn to take the initiative, delegate, inspire loyalty, and cultivate faith in those around you.
You need to learn how to motivate others, inspire them, pick them up when they are down, and straighten them out when they aren’t acting as they should.
Contrary to what many people may believe, being an alpha male leader has nothing to do with being a bully or a tyrant.
It has everything to do with leading by example, understanding humans, empathizing, and being the hardest-working, highest achieving man in the room.
Learn to understand the fundamentals of leadership.
Learn to be the type of man who inspires others and helps them to become the greatest version of themselves.
And last, but certainly not least—remember that a true alpha male seeks to lift others up, not tear them down.
Understanding how to be a wise leader will not only make you more attractive and more effective, but it will also make you more masculine, powerful, and successful.
4. Be Strong and Athletic – Take Care of Your Body
Muscles and athleticism matter to women. The science is clear about that.
Check out this post: The Most Attractive Male Physique According to Women.
But being strong should also matter to you.
As men, we should be striving to level-up our body on a day-to-day basis.
Throw around some heavy stuff at the gym.
Take up a combat sport.
Start running, jogging, and/or doing yoga.
Start eating better, and putting high-quality foods into your body.
Women love an athletic man.
Because they’ve adapted to. Evolutionary success has rewarded women who chose stronger, healthier, more agile partners—because those partners were better equipped to protect her and her offspring from danger.
And so, even to this day, women have adapted to find healthy, masculine, strong, agile men attractive.
So hit the gym. Work on your body. Get healthier, and keep leveling-up your good health every day.
Also, put some thought and effort into your own personal style
Check out this post: What to Wear on a First Date.
Putting on the right clothing, styling your hair, trimming your beard, wearing some cologne, and making sure that you look presentable are all parts of the equation—and it is absolutely a masculine concept to try to look as good as possible.
Just take a look at the peacock as an example!
This is a powerful way to increase your attraction levels and become a more naturally masculine man.
5. Identify Your Purpose and Mission in Life
We all need a purpose and a mission in life.
Without a mission and/or a purpose, we will simply drift, with little thought given to the destination.
What happens when you set sail without a map or a destination in mind?
You sail around in circles, tossed around by the wind and the waves—and you arrive nowhere.
If you wish to be a masculine man, it is absolutely imperative that you sit down and figure out what your purpose in life is.
Decide what you want to accomplish before you are gone. Decide what you are passionate about, and determine to commit yourself to try to make something of yourself.
Leave a dent in the universe. Make the world a better place as a result of your ideas and action.
Leave the world better than you found it.
As a side-effect, you’ll seriously level up your attraction.
Because women do not want to be a man’s mission. They want to join him on the mission.
When you make a woman the mission and put her on a pedestal, she will instantly begin to lose interest in you.
Check out this post: What Makes a Woman Lose Interest in a Man?
So set some goals, and make a plan to accomplish those goals. Start working toward a better future for yourself.
6. Face Your Fear and Live Proactively
Fear is a common feeling.
We have all experienced it. And many of us experience it on a day to day basis.
But as men who wish to increase our masculinity, it is highly important that we learn to control our fear.
We have two choices for how we will live our lives.
- We can choose to live reactively, and just react to the things that happen to us
- Or, we can choose to live proactively, and we can make our own choices and control our own destiny in life
As men, we definitely want to choose the second option.
We want to happen to life, rather than having life happen to us.
But to do this, we must learn to do away with our fear.
We also need to learn to banish our victim-mentality thinking.
We need to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, and wake up every day determined to do two things.
- Face our fears with courage and not let them stop us
- Attack our problems head-on to create a better life and future for ourselves
But before we can do either of these things, we must learn that we are the masters of our destiny.
You are the designer of your fate.
The sooner you take responsibility for yourself and take action to level-up in life, the better your life will become.
And that is all up to you.
7. Become Aware of Your Own Mortality – So You Don’t Live With A ‘Defensive’ Frame of Mind
This last one might seem out of place in a discussion about masculinity.
After all, what does mortality have to do with being a man?
Well, as it turns out, it has a lot to do with it.
As a child born to young parents, I lived for years without understanding the full gravity of the concept of death.
My family and loved ones were all alive and well, and life was good.
As a result, I knew about death in a theoretical sense. But it always seemed like some otherworldly, far-away thing that was never actually going to visit me.
But this proved false when my grandparents died.
I lost all four of my grandparents in the span of just a few years.
And in this process, I realized just how quickly death creeps up on us.
At this moment in time, I am 33 years old. That may seem young. But in the grand scheme of the universe, it is just the blink of an eye.
I came to terms with my mortality and decided that the best way to make peace with the fact that I was eventually going to die was to live my life to the hilt while I have the chance.
This means that every day, I wake up and I work to make my life as good as it can possibly be.
I strive to be the hardest working man in the room. I pursue the women I’m interested in. I start businesses and strive to earn more money.
I strive to be a leader for my family and tribe. I strive to be the type of man who makes the world a better place—the kind of man others can look up to.
I strive to be the type of man who will one day leave a dent in the universe—and create a lasting legacy of greatness to leave behind when I’m gone.
This is a very masculine frame of mind. This is a purpose-driven mentality of greatness that we should all adopt as men.
In the words of Job…
“Man, who is born of woman, Is short-lived and full of turmoil.”
In Conclusion – How to Be More Masculine
Obviously, we are all different men, and we are all in slightly different places in life.
But at the end of the day, increasing our masculinity is a very noble mission.
And it is a mission that all men should pursue if the concept of masculinity contains any meaning for them.
In the meantime, I encourage you with these words.
Do not be ashamed of your masculinity. Own it. Hold your head high, and be proud of what you are.
You certainly deserve to take pride in being a man. There is a lot to be proud of.
And to be honest, if you want to learn how to be more masculine, that is a great place to start.
Go with grace, my friends—and never give up your power.