Every married man in history has been there.
“I really like my wife’s hot friend!”
“I’m married, but my wife’s friend is so hot… and she might be into me! What do I do?”
“My wife’s hot friend and I have this amazing chemistry. I don’t know what to do about it!”
These are statements that probably every man in history can relate to.
And I have definitely been there as well.
What Will I Learn?
To a point, this opens up a very confusing quandary that’s difficult for a lot of men to wrap their heads around. But today, here on Male Ambition, we are going to tackle this very complicated question from the alpha-male perspective.
If you like your wife’s friend and think that she’s hot, this is what you need to know before doing anything!
The Alpha-Male Mentality
First of all, if you haven’t looked into alpha male mentality, that is something that you really need to be doing… because it will clear up a lot of confusion about what is the most natural way for men to live, how they are supposed to behave, and how they should conduct themselves.
When men stray from the alpha male path, decisions like this can become extremely complicated. Click here to learn the 25 traits of the true alpha male, and begin your alpha male journey today.
That is the fastest way to learn how to deal with problems like these, and also the best way to equip yourself for the complicated nature of navigating relationships with women in-general.
But aside from that, let’s delve into this specific problem… what to do when you’re extremely attracted to your wife’s hot friend!
I Like My Wife’s Hot Friend – Looking Deeper Into the Actual Problem
In this specific situation, you are generally faced with a number of quandaries that can truly be difficult to wrap your mind around.
So let’s take a very, very honest look at what exactly is going on in this situation.
Generally, in this sort of a situation, your wife has a hot friend who you are attracted to.
Ok, no big deal. You know a lot of attractive women, right?
But this situation may be different and/or more challenging for a number of reasons.
These situations automatically make an attraction to your wife’s hot friend much, much more powerful than a random attraction to a random girl somewhere else would be.
And this can be challenging… because it can seriously engage your emotions and instincts as a man, and trigger a great deal of sexual desire.
If we were going to break this problem down into the simplest terms, it would probably look something like this.
“I am attracted to my wife’s hot friend and would love to have sex with her. But obviously, that could put my marriage and my wife’s feelings in jeopardy… so I don’t know what to do.”
There are probably also a lot of other factors that weigh into this as well.
Let’s take a look at some of them.
Other Factors That Make This Situation Even More Complicated
If you care about your marriage, you may be very torn about the idea of pursuing another woman behind your wife’s back.
Of course, there is always the possibility that you could open up to your wife about it, in the hopes that it could one-day turn into a threesome, a swinger situation, or an open-relationship-type scenario… but there is also a risk associated with this approach.
If you are honest with your wife about your attraction to her friend, she might freak out about it and panic. She may resent the fact that you have grown close to her friend, and immediately sever ties with her in an attempt to keep the two of you apart.
If you value your marriage, then you are probably worried about the backlash that could occur if you were to actually let things happen between your wife’s hot friend and yourself… despite the fact that you may really want to act on your urges!
But it is also very possible that if she caught you cheating, it could ruin your marriage and lead to a messy divorce… which can be even messier and more miserable if you have children and/or property together!
But on the other hand, if you are not truly happy in your marriage, you might actually be looking for a way out.
If so, it is possible that you have developed a real connection with her friend that could, in theory, blossom into something more than friendship.
It is even possible that you are already engaged in an emotional affair with her friend without even realizing that one has taken shape.
But… it is also possible that you are actually happy in your marriage, and don’t want it to end.
Men love attractive women! And to be really honest, it is a man’s biological nature to have sex with as many women as possible.
Not all men do this, obviously. Many men suppress this instinct to become monogamous.
But the instinct is still there… and in an imaginary world where men were allowed to do whatever they wanted, many men would likely follow this instinct and pursue many more women than just the one they plan to settle down with.
So don’t feel ashamed, embarrassed, or ‘evil’ for looking at other women and desiring them.
Finding other women sexy, and fantasizing about having sex with them, does not make you a bad person!
But as alpha men, we also have to adopt some kind of a code of ethics to abide by.
So let’s get into the nitty-gritty of exactly what to do in this sort of a situation.
The First Thing You Should Do
If you are attracted to your wife’s hot friend, the first thing you should do is decide exactly what you want.
An alpha male always does what he wants, and he always pursues what he wants. He doesn’t stay in a situation he doesn’t like. He is always striving to make his life better, to increase his wealth, and to develop his own happiness.
So think about this for a moment.
Do you actually want this marriage to work? Do you actually love your wife? Do you actually WANT her?
Think carefully about this question, and decide this first… because this decision will lead to you deciding on the best way to handle the situation with your wife’s friend.
Do You Actually Want Out of Your Marriage?
If you don’t actually want to be with your wife, then what is stopping you from leaving your marriage and pursuing her friend?
Are you afraid of the divorce? Are you afraid of the judgement? Are you not set up in life to the point where you could financially handle a separation and the process of divorce from you wife?
If you don’t want to be married anymore, then staying with your wife purely out of a sense of duty may actually not be the best course of action.
If you value your happiness in life first, then it may make more sense to just call it quits and be honest with your wife about how you feel.
This road isn’t an easy one, and the longer you have been married, the harder it is.
But, if you truly don’t want to be married to your wife anymore, you should probably address that problem and get it sorted out before thinking about starting any sort of a real relationship with another woman.
Whereas, if you opt to just ‘cheat’ with this other woman on your wife, then your marriage may still end, and you may still be alright with that… but in the process, you may also hurt your wife’s friend and ruin your chances of really dating her in the future.
Despite what they may say, women usually love the thrill of being chosen over another woman.
But in the long-term, they may resent the fact that you have chosen another woman over them if you don’t come through with an actual relationship.
So if you cheat with the friend on your wife, the friend might love it because she is feeling like she was chosen over your wife.
But eventually, this may very well turn into resentment if you don’t follow through and leave your wife for her.
What If You Want to Stay Married?
Even if you have developed a crush on your wife’s friend, odds are good that you actually do still love your wife.
If you could have it your way, you would probably stay with her and pursue her hot friend at the same time.
If you are otherwise happy in your life and marriage, and don’t really want to change your family/domestic situation, then you have another very important decision to make.
There are upsides and downsides to all of these strategies… so let’s take a closer look at them and see what is involved.
Option 1: Cheat On Your Wife With Her Hot Friend
First of all, let’s just address the big elephant in the room.
A lot of people see cheating as dishonest, unethical, and generally an all-around terrible thing to do.
But let’s also look at this from a rational perspective.
If you look at it from a strategic point of view, cheating generally offers you the easiest way to sleep with someone else while you are married, because it allows you to skip the part where you talk about it with your significant-other altogether.
But the downside is that it is a betrayal.
…a pretty BIG betrayal!
Once you cheat, you cross a line that can never be taken back. And if your partner finds out about it, trust will most definitely be broken… in most cases, forever.
That is all very real stuff… stuff that deserves careful consideration.
Option 2: Tell Your Wife About Your Crush and Talk About It
There are upsides and downsides to this idea as well.
The first major upside is that it does not involve any real level of betrayal. In fact, it embraces honesty over deceit. So from that perspective, it is a safer option.
But the risk with this one is also pretty clear.
If you tell your wife about your crush on her hot friend, she might freak out and cut off contact with said friend… thereby making a determined effort to keep you and her apart from now on out of fear that you will cheat on her.
If this happens, it will likely lead to resentment on your part… because instead of her trusting you and acknowledging your integrity, she acted irrationally and tried to…
- Punish you for your honesty
- Control you by forbidding you to see her friend anymore
At the very least, she may start to act really weird when her friend is around you, and may avoid hanging out with her friend as much in the future.
It is also possible that your wife could succeed in ending the relationship between you and her hot friend by sabotaging it.
This could be accomplished by talking badly about you, shaming you behind your back, gossiping to her friend about you, etc.
If her friend only gets one side of the story, she may distance herself from you and stop hanging out around you as well.
This is called ‘social aggression’ and ‘reputation destruction,’ and women employ these techniques often in an attempt to morph their social position into one that feels safer and more secure.
And to their credit, this isn’t even unnatural for women to do. Back in cave-man days, this was how women defended themselves from danger.
They are not strong enough to fight back physically against a big cave-man with a club… so instead of fighting him directly, they would use reputation destruction, gossip, and social aggression to turn the other members of the tribe against him… thereby ensuring their safety and giving them more protection.
These instincts are still very alive in women today, and it is possible that your wife will use them against you if you tell her about your crush on her friend.
Because it is possible (and very likely) that she would perceive this information as a threat to her security and way of life.
What if you fall in love with her friend and divorce her? What if she loses her home and family because of another woman?
These ideas can be very frightening to a woman who, only moments before, thought that she was married and in a secure relationship.
There Is Also a Chance That Honesty Could Really Pay Off
Another thing to consider is that we live in an age where open sexuality is becoming more mainstream.
In fact, honestly opening up to your wife about your crush on your wife’s hot friend could spur a conversation that your wife may want to have anyway, but is afraid to bring up on her own.
Maybe your wife is actually secretly into the idea of having sex with other people, but just hasn’t told you about it because she is afraid of what you would think?
If you know that your wife is a pretty sexually open person, then this might be an even easier option… because odds are good that she will at least avoid reacting in a super-negative way.
On the other hand, if you know that your wife tends to be super jealous and very conservative when it comes to sex, then you also know that there is an increased liklihood that she will recoil and shame you for having sexual feelings about her friend… and that will likely not lead to anything good for the relationship either.
Option 3: Consider It a Phase and Ignore It
The other major option at your disposal is to simply do nothing.
Continue to fantasize about your wife’s hot friend, continue to hang out with her and enjoy the flirtation, and savor the little moments that turn you on… but do not fully act on it or tell your wife about it.
The only real downside to this plan is that it could lead to you repressing your feelings… and over time, if your feelings are strong enough, they might come out as resentment toward your wife for what you perceive as her controlling your life.
Because, let’s face it… the only thing keeping you from pursuing her hot friend is your marriage!
The upside to this plan? It is risk-free, for the most part.
Per this option, if you feel that this is just a case of ‘hot girl attraction,’ then you might want to be careful about throwing your life into disarray over it.
This is especially true if you have no real, concrete reason to even believe that this woman likes you back.
Plus, if you were to actually make a move and do the deed with your wife’s hot friend, you may instantly regret it and realize that it was just a mistake driven by a purely sexual impulse.
So do some contemplating, and really make sure that this is not just a phase that you need to get out of your system.
(Helpful hint: Try masturbating to the idea of having sex with your wife’s hot friend. If you still feel compelled to pursue her, even right after you have an orgasm, then it is possible that it is more than just a fantasy, and something that you really want! If you didn’t really want her, and if you were just interested in her because it’s a sexy idea, you would likely feel differently right after an orgasm, after all of the pent-up sexual urges were expelled.)
But there is also another element to consider here as well (yes, another element… these are very complicated dynamics).
If honest communication is the best thing for relationships (and it often is), then it might actually be a good idea to talk to your wife at least a little bit about this situation, especially if you plan to do nothing about it without her approval.
This is especially true if your wife tends to be understanding, and if the two of you have a reasonably healthy relationship and decent communication skills.
There is a chance that a frank, candid discussion about your attraction to her hot friend could be a positive experience where you learn about one-another. She might even confess a secret crush of her own, and the two of you might share a bonding moment over it!
But again, this all depends on the context of the situation!
How Would an Alpha Male Handle Being Attracted to His Wife’s Hot Friend?
First of all, it is important to understand that an alpha male…
Because of these tenants, I find it highly unlikely that a true alpha male would choose to cheat on his wife.
He might sleep with many women at once if he is only dating… but when it comes to marriage, that is a priority that most true alpha-males would prioritize and adhere to (unless it was agreed that the marriage would be open).
An alpha male knows that a life without consistent priorities is a life lived in chaos… and he knows that happiness seldom comes from chaos.
For this reason, it is in the alpha-male’s best interest to be honest about what he wants… even if his wife isn’t happy about that, and even if it leads to the relationship ending.
Because an alpha male will always choose his authentic path… the path that will bring him the most fulfillment and happiness. The path that he believes in. That path that best allows him to live his most genuine and authentic life.
So before you can truly and intentionally choose a path, you need to decide which one of these is more important to you in this specific situation…
- Honoring your wife and marriage as a priority
- Or sleeping with other women… including your wife’s hot friend
It is possible (though highly unlikely) that you can do both. That would obviously usually be the best-case scenario.
But the real, blunt, honest truth is that having both is highly unlikely, unless you want to deal with a lot of drama in the aftermath.
Your wife may not see things the same way as you. And if she is actually not alright with you pursuing her hot friend, then you are left with the choice to either…
- Choose the friend
- Choose the wife
- Or cheat, and sleep with the friend while secretly pretending to honor your marriage
The Most Important Thing to Understand Is That This Is YOUR Life!
I have given you a lot of different things to think about in this post thus-far. We have discussed many of the problems and dynamics associated with this situation.
And while my personal opinion is that you should be honest about what you want as an alpha-male, it is also true that every life and every situation is different.
For this reason, the most important thing to understand is that your life is YOURS, and that nobody knows your life better than you do.
And because of this, it is also true that nobody is more qualified to make the right choice about your life than you!
In other words… you do you, bro! Do what you feel is right. Do what you feel is good for you. Do what you feel good about.
Listen to your gut instincts, use your brain, and try not to be so driven by your sexual urges (or held in place by someone else’s standards) that you make a mistake that you will later regret.
Do not let me, or anyone else, try to tell you what to do with your life… because at the end of the day, you only get one life… and I believe that it is very important for each one of us to get to choose how we live it.
With that being said, I AM going to talk a little bit about how you can bring this up to your wife with the greatest possibility of it turning into something good!
I am not going to cover ‘how to cheat and get away with it,’ because I feel like that isn’t the goal of this post!
So let’s dive in with a quick guide on how to talk to your wife about your crush on her hot friend.
I Like My Wifes Hot Friend – How Do I Tell Her About It?
Your wife’s friend is smokin-hot. You are pretty sure that she has a crush on you, and not doing anything about it is killing you!
You desperately want to make a move… but for you, cheating is out of the question.
You have no other option but to talk to your wife about it… even though the idea of doing that is not only terrifying, but also risky.
What do you do?
Let’s dive in and talk about it.
Step 1: Test the Water
If you are not 100% sure that your wife will respond positively, then DO NOT SPECIFICALLY MENTION HER HOT FRIEND RIGHT AWAY!
This is very important!
Instead, start by testing the water.
Next time the two of you are alone, and you feel that the time is right for some honest conversation, ask her something like this.
“Hey, do you ever miss flirting and having fun with other people, like we did before we got married?”
This is gentle enough to not make her feel threatened, but is also pointed enough to get her to respond to it. It also completely avoids the topic of her friend, which is good… because right now, you don’t even want her to think about her friend and you in this context.
Either way, try to listen to what she says about it.
Step 2: Start the Conversation
Try not to push her on the topic. But do try to have a genuine conversation with her about it.
Do not mention her friend yet!
Be very careful about how you go about it, but try to get her to open up to you and be honest about her true feelings.
If you can, try to get her to admit to you that she does miss it, and that it would be fun to experience it again.
If you can make this more about her and less about you, it will take the focus off of you and put her in the spotlight… which is very good for you!
This can also give you an opportunity to learn about your wife’s needs, wants, and desires.
Maybe she secretly wishes to flirt with other people? Maybe she is shy about it though… and needs a LOT of reassurance before she will actually open up to you about it.
This can be a sensitive thing for a conservative or shy woman to open up about. Our culture sometimes shames women for wanting to be sexual… so try to understand that and provide a safe-place for her to open up in.
Also, be aware that this entire conversation will probably not happen in one sitting.
You might have to have tiny installments of this conversation over and over again, weekend after weekend, to get her to eventually open up to you about it.
If you can approach the situation with actual care for her feelings, it will go much better… and when you finally get around to opening up to her about her friend, your patience will likely pay off, as she will trust you a lot more because of all of the communicating you’ve done on the subject.
Another thing to be aware of is this.
If you can get her to admit that she has a secret crush on someone and wants to sleep with them first, then you will be much more likely to be successful in your plans to sleep with her hot friend… because this will set her up to look like the one with the desires, and you as the understanding one who is allowing her to open up about her feelings.
Step 3: Eventually, You Will Need to Open Up and Make Your Move
Eventually, if you ever want this to go anywhere, you will need to open up about your desire to make moves on your wife’s hot friend. When you do, here are some tips to keep in mind.
Do not make it a big deal!
Act as if her friend is just a cool person you would be interested in… not someone you have a giant crush on.
If possible, get her to suggest it first. If she thinks that it was her idea first, she will probably feel a lot better about it.
You want to be firm and honest, but you can also balance this with being suave! Being an alpha male requires you to walk a tight-rope of honesty and wisdom. You can still be honest without disclosing everything at once!
Be firm in your desire when you do voice it, and don’t be ashamed of what you want.
Act like you are in control of the situation, and be patient. If she says that she would not be interested in opening things up to other people, just wink at her and say ‘ok dear, whatever you say,’ like you are seeing through her ‘shield’ and know that she secretly has desires of her own that she isn’t telling you about.
Treat it like a little game you are playing with her!
Then, just drop it and give it time. If you treat it like a fun little game and lightly tease her about it, you may get her to come out of her shell a bit more.
If she acts upset about you having a crush on her friend, don’t get upset in response. Just tell her that you love her, give her a kiss, and say that even though there are other hot women in the world, she is the hottest and you love her the most.
Keeping your cool, not overreacting, not getting defensive, and not getting upset if things don’t go your way in the conversation are all very important!
You are an alpha male who is in charge of your life… and if your wife is your first priority, you should be happy to honor her.
If not being able to pursue her friend is a deal-breaker for you in the relationship, be prepared to stand strong and communicate your feelings about it.
Do not give her an ultimatum, but be ready to be honest about the fact that an open relationship might be very important to you.
Instead of making it a negative or confrontational thing, maintain a positive, strong presence and tell her that you would like to discuss it over the coming months to see if you can reach common ground on it.
At the end of the day, if your wife simply isn’t interested in any sort of future where you and her friend (or any other woman) can be involved in any sort of open-relationship, you will need to decide what that means to you.
- Consider this a deal-breaker and begin plans to leave your marriage?
- Or stay with your wife despite the decision, and agree that you would be fine with a life where you only sleep with your wife, and not anyone else?
It is important to be aware of your true feelings and what you really want.
What If You Have Already Slept With Your Wife’s Friend?
If you’ve already slept with your wife’s hot friend, then you may have a different set of problems in front of you.
Yes, pretty much everything that we’ve already talked about comes into play… but now, it is too late to decide not to do it.
This means that you are left with basically two options.
- You can try to keep it a secret from your wife, and not tell her
- You can open up to her about it, own up to it, and be honest about what you have done
Both of these options come with their own sets of upsides and downsides. And to be completely honest, the best course of action is probably going to depend heavily on the context of your relationship.
Once again, you need to figure out what you really want.
Do you want your wife, or do you want your wife’s hot friend?
Which one is more important to you?
If this is a situation where you and her friend can continue to keep it a secret, then you may be able to remain hidden.
But the big problem with cheating, as we have already stated, is that it is risky.
It is also dishonest, which is not really the true path of the alpha male.
As an alpha male, you should be bold and honest about what you want, and not afraid of what anyone might think of you because of it.
Rather than sneaking around on his wife, the true, powerful alpha male would tell her what he wants (at least in most cases)… even if that could mean earning his wife’s disapproval.
Why? Because being true to himself, despite anyone else’s opinion, would be the most important thing to him.
But then again, as we’ve already stated, every relationship is different; and every life is different… and the only person really qualified to make the right choice for your life is you.
If you’ve already slept with your wife’s friend, then you may feel the pressure to find a solution fairly quickly.
And the first, best thing you can do is to try to be completely, 100% honest with yourself about what you really want.
Not all of these desires are going to be easy to achieve. And some of them may be more difficult than others.
But figuring out what you want, and why you want it, can be a great first-step in figuring out exactly what to do.
An Attraction to Your Wife’s Friend Is Either a Regular Urge, or Something More
There are generally two big possibilities at play when you fall for your wife’s friend.
- You are just a regular man with a pretty normal urge to sleep with other beautiful women, but don’t actually intend to seriously act on it, and are fine if you never do
- Or, you actually care a great deal about whether or not you get to follow-through on your attraction to your wife’s friend, and do not feel like this is an urge that will pass until you actually act on it
This is a very important distinction to make.
If your situation sounds more like example number 1, then you may just need to have some great sex with your wife and ‘clear your head.’
When men start to feel strong sexual urges, their imaginations can certainly run wild with fantasies!
But if you sound more like example 2, then sex with your wife probably won’t fulfill your urges.
And it is very possible that, somewhere inside of you, you have some kind of desire that simply isn’t being met in your life… and that your wife’s hot friend has sparked something inside of you that is simply not going to go away.
Example 2 is much harder to deal with than example 1, but it is still valid, and repressing it probably isn’t going to make it go away.
My Personal Experience and Advice on This Question
I have actually faced this problem more than once in my lifetime… and it never really went according to plan.
But when I was a younger man, I was not living the alpha-male journey, either. I was living to try to be a model husband and a pleaser… not to make myself happy, build up my life, earn more wealth, and take control of my circumstances.
So I actually blame my mistakes on having a beta mindset instead of an alpha mindset.
I will say this, however.
When I was monogamous (I now live non-monogamously, so this problem isn’t really a problem for me anymore), I was usually really good about staying away from temptation when I was actually committed to my relationship.
But relationships seldom last forever. And there were times when I probably stayed in relationships that I shouldn’t have stayed in because I was more attracted to the idea of commitment than I was to my partner.
I have never cheated on a partner… and I am glad that I haven’t. But I have also made myself very unhappy at times, because I was afraid to leave a situation that I wasn’t really happy in.
In my marriage, I put all of my energy into making it work… refusing to see the signs that I was actually very unhappy in it. And in the end, my wife ended up leaving me anyway… and all of my ‘work’ to stick with my commitment was really for nothing.
I probably should have left when I realized that I wasn’t happy.
Now I am divorced, living my best life, and pursuing the path of the alpha male… and I have never been happier.
I learned my lessons when I was younger, and now I never allow myself to persist in a situation that I do not actually want to be in.
As I get older and wiser, I learn more and more that I need to prioritize my own happiness first, before anything else.
There is a saying… when you are in a falling airplane, you have to put your own gas-mask on before you can be of use to anyone else!
I feel like this analogy is perfect for relationships.
You have to do what is going to actually make you happy, and you have to stand by it with conviction.
This will also make you the best possible partner in your relationship, and the best possible human you can be in all facets of life.
If we act wishy washy and allow ourselves to be controlled by our feelings, we will usually end up unhappy and miserable.
Instead of allowing life to happen to us, we need to intentionally choose what we want out of life and pursue it.
And if that means pursuing your wife’s hot friend, so be it.
If that means honoring your marriage, so be it.
Whatever that means for you, so be it.
Here at Male Ambition, we strive to help every man achieve the best life possible.
Hopefully, I have done a good enough job in this article to help you with this very complicated question.
In truth, liking your wife’s hot friend is not an easy problem to face. A lot of men get really confused about it.
Marriage isn’t easy, even on the best of days. And when you throw something like this into the mix, it can be downright difficult!
But my best advice is this.
Study the path of the true alpha male. Own your life, take control of your desires, and start making choices that are going to turn your life into what you truly want it to be.
It is not always easy to be an alpha male. But the more you study it, the more likely you will be to find true, real happiness in your life.
“I like my wife’s hot friend… what should I do?”
Seek the path of the true alpha male, my friend… and trust yourself to choose the path that will bring you the most happiness, fulfillment, and purpose.